A (bitchy? helpful?) Note to Employers

Ok, I think by now we've established that I've been looking for a job for about six months. I've only supplied two stories so far on my actual experiences, but I wanted to break to bring you an important message. I will even break it down into bullet points so that the mentally brain dead people in charge of hiring can follow. Thus I present:

An Employer's Handbook:

• If a potential employee has put up with your ridiculous three hour interview process, call that person with the results of your decision (or risk being rendered impotent)

• A letter would suffice.
  

• If a potential employee calls you to find out about the status of the position since she did participate in said ridiculous three hour interview process, and send you a lovely letter thanking you for the absurd interview, call that person back (or risk having a newspaper run a story about your impotence).

• If after spending all of two minutes with a potential employee you realize that this person is not a good fit, say so. Don't tell them to expect an email that will contain a personality test that you never intend to send.

• Stop with the fucking personality tests. They are stupid and do not work. And by the way, how do you know it's me who's taking it on my home computer and not my nut job neighbor (who just happens to be smarter than me)?

• If you have told a potential employee to expect an email and then don't send it, please return one of the many calls the potential employee makes to your cell phone. She knows you're getting the messages, it's your fucking personal cell phone!

• If you insist on giving math tests, give the potential employee a minimum of five minutes to remember how to do fractions before giving the test. This will result in less potential employees feeling like asshats.

• When you know that your potential employee makes a certain amount a year, DO NOT call the potential employee and offer them a job for $3 less an hour. It makes them feel bad and guilty for turning you down. Hopefully, though, you will feel like an asshat for even offering it at all.

There you go employers. Follow these simple steps and you should be able to avoid impotence and I should be able to keep my dignity.