8 Random Facts

Manky from oldbookbag tagged me for 8 More Random Facts About Me. I find myself to be generally uninteresting, so I'm going to try to squeeze my brain to find something that people will be interested to know.

1. I still watch The Real World. I was a teenager when this show started, so you can figure out how old that makes me. I just can't tear myself away from all the high drama of pretty people in tiny clothes.

2. I hate hard boiled eggs. They make me want to vomit. If one ends up in my mouth, I will spit it out, so don't get too close.

3. I typically only cry at movies or TV shows. I uncontrollably sobbed in the theater during "Million Dollar Baby" and I couldn't even catch my breath while I heaved at the season finale of "Six Feet Under". Tell me bad news and I'm like a rock.

4. I drove home so drunk once that I turned on my turn signal when I was stopped at a railroad crossing. I guess driving on the tracks made sense.

5. Someone once left salt and pepper shakers on the roof of my car while I was inside McDonalds. I took them home and put them on my kitchen table.

6. My father's second wife could totally beat me up. She could also beat up Mike Tyson, Hulk Hogan, and L.L. Cool J. She's that butch.

7. I'm afraid to pick up cats and dogs. It grosses me out to feel their tiny little bones. It also grosses me out when they lick people on the mouth. I would have to sterilize my mouth if one ever did that to me.

8. I wish I could go on the World Series of Pop Culture (VH1 all this week at 9). I totally do better than some of the contestants, but I don't know 2 other people who are as nerdy about pop culture as I am.

There you have it. Am I interesting? Do you care? I'm supposed to tag 8 people, but I don't know anyone else who has blogs. So if you see this and you like it, feel free to steal it. I'd just appreciate a shout out on your blog. Leave a comment and I'll come read yours.

Ridiculous interviews

During the course of my quest to gain employment, I have run up against some of the strangest interview questions. Below are actual questions I’ve been asked and the answers I (wish) gave.

1. What motives you?

Money, Bob. I need money to feed my face and house my big ass. If you’re not willing to throw money my way, than I’m not willing to throw you my best effort.

2. What de-motivates you?

Is that even a word? Geez, Bob, what genius came up with that question? Well, my answer is you Bob. You de-motivate me.

3. Explain to me a time you were working on a project and then a supervisor gave you another project that they had halfway completed and you had to finish.

What the fuck are you talking about Bob? Do I look like a project machine? A project for me is getting my asshole neighbor to stop feeding squirrels because it leads to a big squirrel population in my back yard. While trying to complete that I may have to stop to yell at my other idiot neighbor who won’t stop parking in my parking spot. Since neither of these things have had a positive conclusion, I’ll let you make your own determination about me and projects.

4. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

If I were being honest here, Bob, I would say that in 5 years I would like to see myself either married to a rich man or having my babies’ daddy supporting me with a child support check. Work is hard work, Bob, and I’m not really interested in it. I don’t care about people and I don’t care about your company’s profits. I just want money any way I can get it with the least amount of work output.

5. Tell me about a time you had a conflict with a co-worker.

Let me tell you Bob, I'm always having conflicts with co-workers. No one works as hard as me and no one should be paid more than me. Also, no woman should get pregnant while employed, it just fucks up my schedule. I don't care if your baby kept you up all night. You chose to have your baby and come to work.... deal with it. I also would like to banish flip flops or open toed shoes in the workplace. People have nasty ass toes and I've found they don't like to be told about it.

6. We'll let you know either way if we want to hire you.

Sure you will Bob. You can take that big ass lie and shove it up your shit hole. Have a great day.

Plantar Warts and Extra Pounds

If you ever wondered what physically happens to a person when they find out they are going to be unemployed soon, wonder no longer. Since learning that I will be losing my job, I:

• Got a plantar wart on my foot. Yes, this could be from anythings. I work out and sweat a lot, but stress is also a factor. I blame my employer for my mangled foot.

• Eat lots of candy. Rolos and tootsie rolls have become my new best friends

• Drive myself crazy on whether or not I answered the "what are your weaknesses" questions I'm inevitably asked at each interview. Should I say I'm sometimes overly passionate (read bitchy), or freakishly organized (read Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)

• Have ridiculously loud road rage. My middle finger will end up staying extended if I carry on like this for too long.

• Cannot stay away from reality TV. Flavor of Love Charm School. Really??? It's so nice to know that others are more fucked up then I am.

• Peruse job listing sites six times a day. You never know if one may pop up ten minutes after you first visited. I have to be the first application they receive.

Should you ever end up in my position, you now know what will happen to you. Hope this helped. By the way, if you get a plantar wart, don't waste your time at the doctor's office because they'll just tell you to get the over the counter stuff. $60 bucks for that advice.

Maybe I should work for the Government?

You Are Not a Dumb American

You got 8/10 correct. You know a good deal about American history, but there's some basic facts you have wrong. Time to go back to history class!

Are You a Dumb American?